Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
