I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
