Sry I called you an 8
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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