Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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