u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're too hungover to prance.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
