walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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