no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
