i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
