there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
