I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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