He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
