We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
