Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
