Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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