yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
