Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
