what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
try to milk me bitch
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