C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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