I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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