im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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