fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
