I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
handjob tips. give me some.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
