It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
