new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
