He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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