I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
