After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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