11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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