he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't turn off my feet"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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