Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
