I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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