RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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