who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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