Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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