youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
