ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
