Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
