hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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