The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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