Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.