OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.