I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
