Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.