Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.