Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i think my cat just said my name.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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