remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't turn off my feet"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
