did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
