He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
