Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
