the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
