As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
