hotel room ftw
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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