Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
