If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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