I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
