Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
