Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
