My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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