Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
