ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
