I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
