Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
