Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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