The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
