You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
