Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
