Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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