The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
