Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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