i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
