I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
