I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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