I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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